Can We Lie?

Let's picture this: Your friend is asking for your opinion about her clothing one day. You looked from top-to-toe, and you think your friend is either color blind that day, or she simply lost her mind on combining that kind of clothes. What is your reply to her?

a) "Why are you wearing that? That clothes is soooooooo ugly!"

b) "Wow! You looked so different today!"

c) "Erm, i've never seen you wear this before. No one i see that has the kind of fashion as yours!"

d) "The tie doesnt match your shirt, your shirt doesnt blend with your pants, so are the belts. And why are you wearing that shoes?"

e) " I like your clothes! Look nice on you!"

Your answer: ________

For any of your reasons; most of you will be choosing option b. You want to save both your face and theirs. But the question is; are you lying?

Is it morally acceptable when we answer option b? We are not telling the truth, but we are not making up stories either. So, is it alright?

In a sense, (common sense, actually) lying means hiding someone from knowing the truth. Sometimes, we have no options but to not telling them the truth (yet). One example is when you are giving the bad news to your family members. We don't want to lie, but just that we are too soft-hearted that we don't want to let our loved one to be heart-broken. However, we can't be honest all the time. You simply don't say someone who is big-sized person a fat person, or a short person, a short person. It's unethical too. So whether white lies are acceptable are not, they are common and we practise it all the time.

How you will be answering your friend will be measured by few things first; the environment, how close are you with your friend, what the mood or usual behaviour of him/her?, etc.

Here is what i think:
Most people agree that honesty is the best communication and to have strong relationship. But in certain cases, people tend to be more straight-foward to new people they meet in their messengers or chat room and people whom they are not so close with rather than people whom they are close with. Because we take a great care of how our best friends or family or siblings are feeling. However, when two best friends or two siblings or couples or parent and child are arguing, they then tend to shoot out everything they are really thinking of the other person at each other.

Why we need to equivocate?
equivocate: to use ambiguous or unclear expressions, usually to avoid commitment or in order to mislead

The sense that we need to equivocate becomes clearer with this reason:

1) Avoid letting the receiver feeling embarrased.
2) Save your own face.
3) Less stresful for the sender than to tell the lie or the truth; you feel much more less guilty.
4) Save the sender from being caught for lying.

"Equivocation is niether a false message nor a clear truth, but rather an alternative used precisely when both of these are to be avoided." - A research team under a communication researcher, Sandra Metts.

So, it is easier for people to choose to equivocate whenever possible.There are still controversial issues on lying, equivocating or white lies are morally justified or not; whether it should be accepted or not. But let use this way before you reply your friend: Imagine how would others respond to your answer when they know what you are really thinking. Would they blame you for not telling the truth or not? If you have rationally balance between this two, then you can choose your options.

Now, go and tell your friend that answer!














a) "Why are you wearing that? That clothes is soooooooo ugly!"
Analysis: You are so mean, or you are in your bad mood, or he/she is ur really really good friend that doesn't care how you answer it anyway. =D

b) "Wow! You looked so different today!"
Analysis: This should be equivocal, but true message. Most people will choose this answer.

c) "Erm, i've never seen you wear this before. No one i see that has the kind of fashion as yours!"
Analysis: This should be equivocal, but false message.

d) "The tie doesnt match your shirt, your shirt doesnt blend with your pants, so are the belts. And why are you wearing that shoes? I don't like it at all."
Analysis: Clear, and true message.

e) " I like your clothes! Look nice on you!"
Analysis: Clear, but false message.

Sources: Understanding Human Communication, 9th Edition by Ronald B Roler, George Rodma; Malaysian & Singaporean Edition, www.dictionary.com