Conflict-ation

The text book "Understanding Human Communication, 9th Edition" by Ronald B. Adler and George Rodman told almost everything on conflicts: Characteristics, What Causes and the Effects, What type of conflicts, how to identify conflicts, how to solve conflicts, how to avoid conflicts; but they din touch on the most important part in conflict: What to do if everything stated in the book fails? Nope, it's not your problem, it's not the author problem, but sometimes, somehow, you will bump into a person who just simply won't negotiate you. Ahaa! I have found an interesting article on helping to overcome this situation if it happens to you (God forbade).

Of there is 5 ways to identify styles of conflict and 5 ways of knowing characteristics of an assertive message, then you have 5 ways to do if 'they simply won't negotiate with you'.

1.Don't React (First).
Step back and then look at the whole big picture. Identify your interests and just focus on your goal. Don't get mad, don't get even, just negotiate for what you want.

2. Step to Their Side
What if you are wrong even at the first place? So you must listen actively and try to agree when you can. You have to please them first before you can get what you want. Once they are pleased, everything are much easier to do. Acknowledge your opponents, his/her views and feelings. Try to express your views without provoking and then create a favorable climate for negotiation. Maybe invite them for lunch or dinner, or treat them a nice cup of cold cappucino (because you won't want a hot one to be split on your face if everything doesn't goes your way).

3. So they don't still on their opinions, you are still on yours'.
Change the way of playing it. Ask problem solving questions. Ask them for advice if possible. The questions will be "Why?", "Why not?", "What if?" If both of you can see that which questions better suit for the answers, head for it. As long everything make more sense than the others, who who cares it's who's ideas?

4. Make it easy to say "YES".
Sounds quite easy, but it's actually tough. You will have to get around the obstacles by involving your opponents. You will have to satisfy your opponent's unment interests and help your opponent save face. Do it slow, but surely.

5. Make it hard to say "NO".
This is the tricky part. You must know the consequences; let your opponent know the consequences. What if you don't go this way, then the most distrastrous outcome will be. Both of you must understand that mutual satisfaction is more important than victory.

Sources: Options Unlimited (1991) Adapted from Getting Past No by William Ury.

Liew Hui Qing (Jaime)