Write and Deliver a Great Speech!

close window

There are few quick notes when you are writing & delivering it, written by Bill Thompson.
1. Breathe, deeply & Relax your mind.
2. Think of what to write in the speech, considering who are your audiences, the settings, time given, and other relevant factors that are important.
3. Talk a topic that you are familiar with (if you are given a free-topic).
4. Scribble some rough ideas on what you are going to talk about, what you want the audiences to know; roughly about 3 main ideas, and don't forget about your thesis statement!
5. Start to develop your ideas in creative way whereby people could understand it better such as making it like a story! Conclude your speech either by calling them to action, motivating them to do something positive, and understand what you are trying to talk about.
6. Arrive early at the presentation area, talk to strangers and get to know them better. Talking to some of your audiences will make you feel a lot closer and less afraid when giving speeches later.
7. When you arrive at your conclusion, do not rush it as it is one of the most important part in your speech, which must have a 'bang' and 'wow' to the audiences and you.
8. Don't forget to smile at your audiences! You make both the audiences and you feel relaxed and less worried!
9. Enjoy the whole process when you are delivering speeches as it is the the most important instruction you must remember. Only then, everything will turn out fine.

sources: Thomson, B 2005, 'Write a Great Speech in 5-7 Minutes, Don't Agonize Over your Next Presentation, Associated Content Inc, viewed 30th Oct 2008,

Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

Do & Don'ts when everything goes wrong in your BIG day

Imagine that you are going to present your speech one day. You are so prepared; you rehearsed, you remembered what you are going to say, you have everything with you complete: laptop, battery extension, pen drive, basically everything you need to make your speech "a wow". Suddenly, when you arrived at the place where you are supposed to do the speech, you discovered that everything suddenly goes wrong. Your mike won't work, the lights were off, you can't on your laptop, the noise next door are loud. You starts to panic, perspire, running around like chicken with no head searching for whatever you think will help you. In such scene, you must remember a few do and don'ts! Written by Gene Perrett in Laugh Line Section, Toastmasters Magazine 2006, it talks about what you should and shouldn't do when everything goes wrong.

Don't!
1. Don't blow up! Control your adrenaline! Because things do not (suddenly) work that way, you must control how you going to react; in front of everyone else. When a problem arise, it's your problem. Take it as a responsibility and try to solve it, ask people (in charge) what you can do (if you don't know how to fix it). Be like a leader; the audience will then realize that by your action, they will know they should listen to someone like you.

2. Don't surrender to the situation! You must remember that problem is a temporary situation that will eventually go away; after you have solve it. When something happened in between of the speech, don't be bothered by the problem; continue what you prepared for the last few sleepless days and weeks for that speech. Don't let anything distract your attention.

Do!
1. Be sensible, maintain your dignity, don't throw tantrum if you are having problems. You have to remember that you are the focus in the speech, so the audiences will see you as who you are suppose to be.

2. "No matter how, the shows must go on", keep your sense of humour. When problem arises, try to make it as a funny situation which would bring laughter instead of hushes and yawns to the audience. Tell them it's ok to have the problem, tell them you are ok with the problem; and everything will be over in matter of seconds.

sources; Gene Perret 2006, Dos and Don'ts for When the Mike Won't, Toastmaster magazine jan 2006.

Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

as time passes...

today, i had a talk with 1of my best friend...we remembered a lot of memories we went through together...and we realised that we actually knew each other about 10 years or more than that!!! i am going to celebrate our anniversary this december!!!i met her when i was in primary school.. Actually we do not rememeber how we met each other.. But we have been became good friends since standard 5. It is not easy to maintain our relationship. We quarelled when we had different opinion. We cried together when we graduated from primary school. We laughed together when we were sharing our happy moments. We shared our secrets. The relationship is built as time passes. As time passes, i realised that we do not need to communicate a lot if our relationship is strong. She can simply catch up what i am trying to say although we do not see each other frequently. Perhaps we meet each other once a month. The bond within us is strong and unbreakable. I hope that our friendship will last forever...Cheers!!!!

Super Sunday

Do you know what Super Sunday is? Well, it's actually scheduled English football on Sundays. Tonight was Liverpool v.s Chelsea. Usually big games as such are watched at places that televise the match for large crowds. The atmosphere there is spectacular. It's where people come together for one reason-to support or boo football teams.

Personally, I'd go to Hartamas Square to watch big games. The food is good, the screen is huge, and they always play the 2 team's anthem before the game. People actually sing the anthem together. It's really fun. It's amazing how football unites us. We express differnt feelings together. For example, when the team we support is at the attacking mode, adrenaline rushes due to suspens. We clap for everything( depending on which team we support) when the opposition gets yellow or red cards, when our team gets fouled, when our team manages to clear the ball, we'd all be screaming if our team almost concede goals.

The best part is when our team scores. The atmosphere is really amazing. People scream and clap in delight. They even exchange hi-fives with people from the same table and different tables. It's like when your team scores, the stranger next to you suddenly becomes your best friend. It's interesting to see how one sport can bring tonnes of people together. Tonight, Liverpool beat Chelsea 1-0. There were so many Liverpool fans compared to Chelsea fans. There will always be rivalry but in the end, we all go to watch good football.

-Peace-

Festival of Light

Firstly, Happy Deepavali to everyone! Deepavali is a major Indian festival- also known as the Festival of light. It is celebrated by Hindu's, Sikh's, and Jains across the globe. But because Malaysia is a multiracial country, it's celebrated by all Malaysians. We are not Chinese, Indian, Malay, Bidayuh etc.. We are Malaysians! I enjoy festivals as such, 1. because holiday! 2. open house 3. it brings us closer.
My favourite part of deepavali is Muruku! I dont know if I spelled it right, but it rocks! If I'm not mistaken, this day is to celebrate victory over evil and the uplifitng of spiritual darkness. That's probably why it's celebrated so "meriah". But then again, what's a celebration if it's not happening? On the festival of light, people celebrate by decorating their homes with lights, they have fireworks, and also have open houses(gathering of family and friends) .
Apart from serving awesome food, the gathering they have is to bring friends and family closer. It's really a great way to strengthen relationships,repair broken ones and also build new ones. Celebrations in Malaysia is beyond holding just one culture together. This is one of the ways we can overcome racial issues. It helps us see that we may be different in skin colour but we are all the same. We should treat each other with the same level of respect despite differences in race and culture. With that, I end this post by saying that all celebrations in this country rocks!
-Peace-

HSM3

HSM3 is finally out in cinema's. The day that most teen's have been waiting for. I said most-I'm not one of them. If you've been following, you should know what High School Musical is all about. It's a story about teenager's in high school. But what's different here is that they express themselves through singing. All the challeneges they face in high school, all the feelings they feel, they express it with their voice.
This show is not just about the pretty faces behind the scenes of high school musical ( Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashlee Tisdale) , it's also about sending a message to the audience. It's their way of communicating with young teens. Apart from entertaining, the songs they sing helps lift up the spirit of the audience, gives hope, and encourages them not to give up in life. Besides that, it shows that you'll always have your friends behind you.
There will always be speed bumps along the way but with support from the people you care about and the people who care for you, you'd definately pull through. It's always easier to remember a song than attending weird self help seminars and reading books. So the way they connect with the audience is definately one of the best ways to communicate!
-Peace_

Speech Preparation

Well, since more and more presentations are coming for this upcoming month; Nov in Week 12, 13, and 14, here's some tips i found in Toastmaster Magazine ed. July 2008 on "the Best ways to Prepare for a Speech" by Christopher Mortenson, ACB, ALB.

Firstly, the 3 magic words: "Practice Makes Perfect". Practice, Practice and Practice is always the key words to succeed in your speeches. By practising, you will understand what you are doing and naturally; by the time you are going to present your speech, everything comes out easily.

Secondly, depends on how many times you practice will gives an impact on how good is your speech. Allocate the correct timing on how much you should spend in your speech; for example, rehearse your introduction and conclusion rather than your content. People will generally remember most about your introduction and conclusion; and if you are prepared about what you are going to say, you shouldn't have any problem about the body content.

Thirdly, it's important to grasp on 'how' you have practiced, rather than 'how much' you have practiced. Find a spot whereby you can rehearse your speech without any interruption; along with your non-verbal communication. When you memorize your speech, do it as if you are presenting in on the stage; instead of just sitting around trying your best to memorize each and every sentence.



Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

10 Laws to be A Great Leader

Here's an interesting article i have read from Toastmaster Magazine ed. Sept 2006 on "Laws for Positive Leadership-How to be a leader others want to follow" by Victor Parachin.

Leaders who are positive will be able to inspire, motive and unite others which then could produce tremendous results. Therefore, to make sure a harmonious group whereby others would be obliged to follow your words. There are a basic 10 laws to follow:

1. Give more than you expect others to give.
A good leader will always help his/her teammates if they need guidance. Therefore, the leader must be able to give more persistence, passion, and solutions in order to guide the members. A good leader will ask people to do the things that he or she will do themselves.

2. Combine optimism and perseverance.
When the team is having trouble, it is important for the leaders to decide the end of the team. HE or she must remain positive and persistent in the tasks given, and must be able to set the right example and experience to the members. Members will then not only respect him or her, but will tend to follow his or her steps in remaining optimism and perseverance.

3. See everyone as a diamond in rough.
"There are no poor performers, only poor leaders who fail to find ways of helping others succeed." Leaders must understand that each of his members have different talents and skills; and treat them as 'diamond in rough'.

4. Express appreciation; accept responsibility.
Some leaders would accept credits quickly, but they will blame others even faster. However, a good leader will do the reverse pattern. They will give their members the credit and prepare to accept responsibility when a task fails.

5. Remain balanced.
Some leaders are ego. They become proud with their capability, power and position in the teams. Therefore, it is important for leaders to remain balanced in maintaining relationships between the teammates and them. Joey Cheek, a speed-skating champion who once won a gold Olympic medal once said:"Keep things in perspective. I've seen the world and met amazing friends through my sports. But it's not that big a deal. I mean, I skate around the ice in tights. What is important is what I do off the ice".

6.Show respect for people around you.
Treating your teammates with respect will make your teammates to do the same thing on you. People who feel that they are respected are confidence with themselves, be able to do tasks quickly and efficiently and mostly are happier and more cooperative with others.

7. Treat everyone as family.
By treating everyone as family, people will feel much more comfortable in working in and as a team.

8. Be a source of inspiration.
When appropriate, share your wisdom; what you experienced and knew with others. Make sure they do not repeat your mistakes done and be able to do even better than you.

9. Stress cooperation not competition.
When a person hates another person, it becomes a competition among them; they always compete in whatever they do in the team. As a result, works become less efficient. On the other hand, cooperation among the teammates and the leaders will definitely ensure the quality of the teams.

10. Maintain a sense of humor.
No people will like to be with a leader who is serious all the time. Take things easy; and enjoy the tasks along with your members.

Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

the Power of internet...

since the exist of internet, a lot of communication tools such as e-mails, forums, blogs, chatbox, skype, msn, friendster, facebook and so on have been created. They help us to communicate with anyone, exchanging information with them. And it does not cost us much!!! We can make use of these tools in other ways.
I actually heard a news long ago. A girl who was kidnapped (forgot the time, date and place) was found within 24 hours with the help of the people from a forum. The girl's sister, who found out that the girl was being kidnapped, post an announcement on a forum immediately. Luckily, the people passed around messages very quickly. The news actually spreaded to the whole country in a few hours. At the end, the girl was save because of the help of the people from the internet. Just imagine, can this happen without Internet which can spread the news to the whole world at anytime, anyplace and anywhere?
Furthermore, we actually received a lot of forward emails which ask us to forward the mail to our friends for charity. The every mails we forward can let the company to donate 15cent to the receivers. Most of us actually did this because it costs us nothing.
those tools such as msn, skype .icq and so on actually help us to talk to our targeted person for free. The only thing we have to pay is the money for the broadband which is very very cheap.

so, Without the internet and those communication tools, will our life be so easy?

Slang

Here's an interesting article that i have found in the Internet ehow.com, written by Any Stone, on 'how to understand the Cockney slang'.

Cockney rhyming slang originally sprung up during the 1800s in that area of East London which was within hearing distance of the "Bow Bells" of St Mary-Le-Bow church in Cheapside. Although no one knows for certain why rhyming slang developed, a popular theory is that the locals used it to communicate without giving themselves away to the police. One of the famous movie on slang is: My Fair Lady (1964), which tells a story on how a linguistics professor Henry Higgins (Rec Harrison) teaches a cockney girl Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn) on proper elocution.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Step1

Learn the basic rules that apply to the formation of Cockney rhyming slang. One word is replaced by another word or short phrase that rhymes with it. For example, in Cockney rhyming slang the word "believe" becomes "Adam and Eve" as in "Would you Adam and Eve it?"

Step2

Remember that often only the non-rhyming word is said in the phrase. For example, the rhyming slang phrase for "head" is "loaf of bread." However, you usually would say only the "loaf," as in "Use your loaf!" which means "Use your head." Another common example of this can be heard in the phrase "Let’s have a butcher’s," meaning "Let’s have a look." This comes from the rhyming phrase "butcher’s hook."

Step3

Rent episodes on DVD of "Only Fools and Horses," "Porridge," "Steptoe and Son" and "Till Death Do Us Part." These popular British sitcoms were set in the East End and South East of London. They represent some of the best examples of Cockney rhyming slang in popular culture.

Step4

Search online for a Cockney rhyming slang dictionary. There are literally hundreds to be found listing the rhyming slang phrases that are used in daily life. The dictionaries produced by BBC America and those written by real Eastenders are the most highly recommended.

Tips and Warnings

• Note that not all Cockney rhyming slang is as innocent as it sounds. The commonly used term "berk" – which implies someone who’s a fool – originates from the rhyming slang phrase "Berkshire hunt," which rhymes with a more offensive word.
• Don’t overuse rhyming slang phrases in an attempt to appear more British or to fit in with the London culture. Most Cockney terms are rarely used in normal conversation, even by those still living in East London.

Not suprising, in Malaysia we have created our own shortcuts in language (we are experts of it=)). Some of the slangs are known to some parts of us, and their popularaties are faster thanks to the wide usage of Internet.

For example(s):
1. Perah santan (pretty similar to cockney right?)
Origin: Perasan (thinks highly on oneself)
E.g: "Eh, you don't so perah santan lah!"

2. Go-'stant'
Origin: Not sure, old folks (Chinese) usually means reverse (for cars)
E.g: "Eh, go-stant la you, why head straight?? Siao ah? You want to bumped into the front there??"
Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

3. Siot
Origin : Unknown, but meaning: crazy (used widely among Malays)
E.g: "Kau ni siot ke apa? Mana ada orang guna cara ini lagi?" (Are you crazy/nuts? Where got people use this method already?"

For more, talk to Malaysian=)

Sources; http://www.manythings.org/slang/
http://www.ehow.com/how_2071022_understand-cockney-rhyming-slang.html

Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

Uh Huh....

According to Understanding Human Communication 9th Edition textbook (page 143, chapter 4-listening), Prompting is considered one of the important elements in emphatic listening, which to me, is very interesting fact to know that. I do not know that by just 'uh huh, oh i see, etc' could actually helps a person out; to solve his/her problem. Though other elements of emphatic listening are just as important, but most of them uses long explanations and sentences to tell the other person that 'I am listening to you'. Right? That's just my opinion, though. Prompting of course, is used 'when you can't help others to make a decision'. In some cases, there are certain things you must know when you are trying to help a person out; make sure you give your opinion and advices by weighing both strengths and weaknesses of the choices or dilemmas your friend is having. Do you realize that when some of your friends ask an opinion of choosing something (for example a course), you will tend to give one sided-opinion. Notice this type of conversation:

A: Hey B, i don't know which to choose. This course or that course?
B: Hmm...oh well, what do you think?
A: This course's interests me but i'm afraid of the bad side. I like that course which gives an advantage in my future career, but i don't really into that course's contents. So, how? What do you think?
B: Well, why don't you just try B? I think B is good because..bla...bla...bla.......Oh well, i don't really know. You choose what do you think you like.
A:.....I don't know..

Sometimes, you can see whether is it suitable for you to give an opinion or better to let them decide by themselves.

A: Hey B, i don't know which to choose. This course or that course? Each of them has their own goods and bads.
B: Uh huh.
A: This course's interests me but i'm afraid of the bad side. I like that course which gives an advantage in my future career, but i don't really into that course's contents. So, how? What do you think?
B: Hmm, i see. Well, what do you think?
A: This course, you see, really nice, it provides bla..bla..bla......but, oh...i don't know. Many people said A isn't good. So how?
B: I'm not sure too. But make sure you think carefully which to choose.
A: Hmm...
A: I think i will choose this course.
B: Really?
A: (silence) Yeah, i will choose this course. I don't want to later regret about it; who cares what other people think, right?

However; becareful of selecting your prompting usage (mechanical prompting):

A: Hey B, i don't know which to choose. This course or that course? Each of them has their own goods and bads.
B: Uh huh.
A: This course's interests me but i'm afraid of the bad side. I like that course which gives an advantage in my future career, but i don't really into that course's contents. So, how? What do you think?
B: Uh huh.
A: This course, you see, really nice, it provides bla..bla..bla......but, oh...i don't know. Many people said A isn't good. So how?
B: Hmm..
A: So, what do u think? This or what?
B: Hmm......
A: (angry) You know what? I better ask a wall's opinion than asking you! (Walks away)
B:(huh?) What have i done?

By letting people deciding on their own, (nope, it doesn't really make you an irresponsible person though) you will make people have their confidence in deciding their own choice and take responsibility in what they have chosen. People who generally made their own decision do not regret of what they have chosen, because they know it's their own choice. (They can't really blame other people, right?=D) In short, you made them think for themselves.And most people who made their own decisions are less stressful and more happier.

Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

What is in a name?

In communication, name resembles an identity, to differentiate one another, to give oneself a sort of recognition in this world. Names have their own strengths, weaknesses and meanings lie behind it. You can see the meanings of the names everywhere; especially in bookstores or gift shops which sell key chain engraved with names and the meaning of the names. There are some questions that popped up in my mind though; how on earth do they know the meaning of the names? A couple of books on the market actually list out the baby names and their origins. Take for example, one of the common popular name listed: John. Originated from Hebrew, it carries the meaning "God is Gracious"and was the name of the longest-lived of the 12 apostle, who was especially loved by Christ. However, if you just look at the key chains, you can even find the typical attitude that most 'Johns' have. For instance, they are smart, outgoing and nice people, only with more specific details. People who wrote this attitude of 'John' may had made his conclusion by analyzing the attitudes of actors John Gielgud, John Barrymore, John Wayne, John Cusack, John Leguizamo, Johnny Depp; US Presidents John F. Kennedy, John Tyler, John Adams, John Quincy Adams; poet John Donne; Beatle John Lennon; composer Johannes Bach; football player John Elway; lawyer Johnnie Cochrane and interviewed other 'Johns' and its 85 variant forms. And suprising enough, most people with the name 'John' possess the same kind of characteristics.

In addition, because most people have this kind of perception, they tend to assume people with same name have same kind of attitude (similar face also plays a role), right? For example, if a girl is dumped by her boyfriend with the name X; next time when she meets anyone with the name 'X', she will be sceptical about the person!

Furthermore, you will find that some people have trouble to remember one's names. Unless you are familiar with their origins, (like chinese names) you will tend to forget their names. Some are not. But most of people (including me) are. To make life easier, when one find out people have trouble pronouncing their name, they tend to shorten it; "Hi, my name is xyzcbvgdserie......just call me X." Right?

Anyway, there is one complicated name: Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam or Aliaune Thiam in short. Guess who is he?

Answer

Liew Hui Qing, Jaime

Do it smart!

Since its nearing midterm exams, I guess I'll share an interesting story that I'm sure most people have gone through before in high school. It's about cheating during exams. Nowadays, most high school students cheat during exams. I'm not saying all but most. Ofcourse I was one of them. During my highschool days I was one of those students who would communicate with friends during exams. It's not just about copying another person, it's more of the thrill of communicating without getting caught.
To clarify something, I don't like copying so you don't have to keep an eye on me during exams Mr. Murali! =P Mostly I'm the one who supply answers. Anyway, it's hard to copy for essays and short answer questions,however, it's not impossible but it's easy to copy for MCQ. And ofcourse I've never been caught copying or supplying answers. Here's how we'd do it :
Before the exam, we would come up with different signs and ways of determining different alphabets for MCQ. Important note * We never use the same signs for the next papers* It's to avoid suspicion. If the teacher notices us doing the same thing for every exam then they'd know our devious schemes. Some examples are:
1. We'd either scratch our head for 'A', stretch backwards for 'B', drop a pencil for 'C' or yawn for 'D'.
2. Tap on different corners of the table for different letters.
3. Using other creative signs for diffrent letters.
4. We've even tried SMS-ing each other. Cool right. Sms-ing is usually for short answer questions.
5. Some people actually hid tiny notes or wrote on the table. Usually they'd hide books in the toilets.

But as time goes by the teachers got smarter and always checked our tables and toilets for notes. Haha. By the way, I'm not encouraging copying. I'm just saying that we communicate for different reasons and well, inevitably cheating is one of them. Well, before you conclude that I'm a useless student, I don't like copying just to be on top of the class. There's no point in getting good grades if you didn't put any effort in studying. I like making stupid signs to my friends because I get bored easily and I just can't sit still without doing anything for hours. Plus, its fun and exciting and certainly a normal human reaction to do something when someone says you can't. In this case, it's fun to talk and turn our heads during exams when we are told to sit still. Anyway, good luck for exams!
-Peace-

The Right Speech!!!!

Yesterday when i was reading a blog, one of the passage in the blog reminded me of my friend's problem. She is having problems with her boyfriend. Maybe because they are too close to each other, the boyfriend starts to be very 'honest' to his girlfriend. Note that i am not trying to say being honest to your girlfriend is not good, but you should be able to choose what can be said. A few months ago, her boyfriend's ex had broken up with her boyfriend. Then she turned to my friend's boyfriend to talk. And very 'luckily', my friend saw their msn conversation which caused them to have a small fight. My friend actually asked him if they were not together, would he be together with his ex again?? Then her boyfriend answered 'SURE!!!' This happened a few months ago. Recently, her boyfriend starts to compare she and his ex. For example, 'both of you like to drink this or both of you like to....' So, do any girlfriend can stands her boyfriend keep mentioning his ex in front of her?? What i am trying to say is a correct speech is very important to maintain a relationship. Maybe you are not meant to hurt the person beside you, but one man's meat can be another person's poison! A word can make a big difference in a relationship.

The passage from the blog is as follow:

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A woman and her millionaire husband visited their construction site.A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily!>Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school."
On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker."
She answered, "You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.

baby communication

babies! as a baby starts to form in its mothers stomach, communication starts.. how is this possible? all mothers talk to their soon to be born child. it starts from the very beginning. once the baby is born, the mother talks to her child but she does not get any response. babies communicate in a different way.. as we no the famous GU GU GA GA. =)

how do babies communicate??? babies are born with the ability to cry.. that's the way they communicate. when babies cry, its an indication that something is wrong. they could be hungry, feeling cold, wet bottom etc.. crying is not the only way they communicate.. babies smile.. when they smile, it shows they are happy. everyone loves to see a baby smile and laugh.. after a few months, the baby starts to make sounds. and eventually they start to say a few words.. from then on communication between the baby and parents will be much easier.. its really interesting how this works..

-simren

Perception

I know.. It's one of those perception-blogs AGAIN! Yes, I know many of us have written the same thing, but I have just discovered my story to write and I gotta write it down! Sighh.. Seems like we, human always perceive people, right?

My story goes like this..

Last Saturday, my family and I went to Genting for a one-day-trip. After having our dinner at the Theme Park Hotel, my aunt, my younger sister and I went to the toilet. While I was washing my hands, I saw one "guy" walked in. You might wonder "guy?!". Yup, that girl was 99.99% looked like a he rather than a she! What I did was only glanced at her once, and I walked out from the toilet and went back to the restaurant, leaving my sis and my aunt behind.

Minutes later, my aunt and my sis were backed to their seats too. Seconds after settling down, my aunt quickly tell my mom that she saw a guy in the toilet. I interrupted their conversation by saying: "No lar~ That's a girl!" "But that fellow looked like a guy!" "It's a girl lar!!", I was pretty sure that the "guy" my aunt mentioned is actually a girl. My aunt replied, "Well, she looks like a boy.. And, I thought she was..".

After the meal, my family walked out from the restaurant. Suddenly, my little brother grabbed my hand and said: "Jie~(PS: Jie is a Chinese word which means elder sister:)) Look! Two guys..". He was pointing to a couple who are holding hands, passing by in front of us. "The red shirt fellow is a girl lar!!", I repeated the same whole thing that I've told my aunt. My dad was in shock too after knowing the "guy" was actually a girl. Well, actually my whole family, except for my sister and I, were shocked to know that they have perceived someone.

Wondering why don't my elder sister and I have the same perception as my other family members do? Simply because we have seen many girls dressing like guys in our secondary school life! (PS: Both of us studied in a girl secondary school which have quite a number of students who are short hair, wear only T-shirt and jeans, dislike skirts and make ups etc. Some people called them 'Tom-boy', which I think is a very rude way of perceiving others.) And, because of this, we tend to not perceive these people wrongly as we understand that this is their way of dressing. Well, in my opinion, people that are from girl schools like us can differentiate better between girls who are in guys' outfit and guys who have 'girl-ly' kinda looking. *wink*

My conclusion is: We should not perceive others, but most of the time we do!
I think, somehow, this is the way our society works. Like what Liza mentioned in her last blog entry: The way we perceive others or vice versa defines the way we communicate with each other.

=Yin Foong=

Conflict-ation

The text book "Understanding Human Communication, 9th Edition" by Ronald B. Adler and George Rodman told almost everything on conflicts: Characteristics, What Causes and the Effects, What type of conflicts, how to identify conflicts, how to solve conflicts, how to avoid conflicts; but they din touch on the most important part in conflict: What to do if everything stated in the book fails? Nope, it's not your problem, it's not the author problem, but sometimes, somehow, you will bump into a person who just simply won't negotiate you. Ahaa! I have found an interesting article on helping to overcome this situation if it happens to you (God forbade).

Of there is 5 ways to identify styles of conflict and 5 ways of knowing characteristics of an assertive message, then you have 5 ways to do if 'they simply won't negotiate with you'.

1.Don't React (First).
Step back and then look at the whole big picture. Identify your interests and just focus on your goal. Don't get mad, don't get even, just negotiate for what you want.

2. Step to Their Side
What if you are wrong even at the first place? So you must listen actively and try to agree when you can. You have to please them first before you can get what you want. Once they are pleased, everything are much easier to do. Acknowledge your opponents, his/her views and feelings. Try to express your views without provoking and then create a favorable climate for negotiation. Maybe invite them for lunch or dinner, or treat them a nice cup of cold cappucino (because you won't want a hot one to be split on your face if everything doesn't goes your way).

3. So they don't still on their opinions, you are still on yours'.
Change the way of playing it. Ask problem solving questions. Ask them for advice if possible. The questions will be "Why?", "Why not?", "What if?" If both of you can see that which questions better suit for the answers, head for it. As long everything make more sense than the others, who who cares it's who's ideas?

4. Make it easy to say "YES".
Sounds quite easy, but it's actually tough. You will have to get around the obstacles by involving your opponents. You will have to satisfy your opponent's unment interests and help your opponent save face. Do it slow, but surely.

5. Make it hard to say "NO".
This is the tricky part. You must know the consequences; let your opponent know the consequences. What if you don't go this way, then the most distrastrous outcome will be. Both of you must understand that mutual satisfaction is more important than victory.

Sources: Options Unlimited (1991) Adapted from Getting Past No by William Ury.

Liew Hui Qing (Jaime)

Group and You..

Here's another interesting article that i have found in Toastmaster Magazine; March 2006 on managing your teams. Well, in almost every courses available in foundation, there are at least one group assignment per subject, right? Sometimes you are lucky to be given a priority to choose your group partners, but sometimes you are not. That's where everyone thinks so. However, sometimes, even when you are 'lucky' to choose your own groups, when you are facing conflicts within the group, you couldn't complain to your lecturers, because this is what they(most of them) will say: "I have given you this priority to choose your own groups. You choose your own group members, you deal with your own members yourself." On the other hand, don't really think you can blame the lecturers when they assigned you to different members you don't know. Because this is what they will say "This is life. Deal with it." Strange, but true. So, in short, either way, you couldn't complain. (well, you could, but lecturer don't really bother to help you, unless it is a serious case) You will sail smoothly in your foundation year if you met and teamed up with really, seriously, nice and hardworking members. But if you are not, then, deal with it one way or another. However, the whole group is entitled to one project. Either we work together or we work separately together, it's still a group in the end. It's a dependent situation which we have to bear, not just in your foundation, but later on in your degree and your postgraduates, works, and basically; life. But what causes that really bring your team down?

1. There is no trust in anyone in the group.
You don't trust that guy to do his work, you don't let him DO it. That girl may be dissatisfied with your work, then she changed your work (which you do it with your blood, sweat and tears) without your permission. That is when conflicts arise. There's no trust element in your groups. To bring up the trust element, you must first be open and be honest. If there's something not right in their work (or maybe them), voice it out in proper way (apply the chapter 7 in maintaining relationship). When people are truly comfortable being exposed to one other, they will begin to do their parts eventually.

2. Hate conflicts to happen in the group.
Everyone hates conflicts. It is a group assignment, you have your best friend in it. You don't wan to create arguments (what more a conflict) with him/her, thus in the end the team will be ended up with the same problems again and again. Therefore, when problems arise, deal with it quickly before the problems turn into a major barrier for your group assignments. This way, your group members and you will not be bothered by the problems.

3. Lack of commitment.
This always, and most fearful one (i guess) by any members especially when you are assigned to a strange bunch of members. However, the real cause of lacking commitments can be solved when each members are given opportunity to voice out and to be heard of. Other ways to make the member committed, well; make sure they understand that cooperation must be done in order to achieve a satisfactory results. (e.g. to pass/credit/distinction/high distinction in the subject)When everyone in the group is committed, it is pretty difficult for the team to have bad results. At least, if you din't get the results expected, you know you are great team members, because you are IN the team.

4. Avoiding accountability
You are trying to be nice here. You are afraid to call your friend to do extra work because you scared that your friend will be unhappy and everything suddenly falls apart. Patrick Lecioni (a management consultant and author of the bestselling book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, A Leadership Fable) said "Ironically, this only causes the relationship to deteriorate, as team members begin to resent one another for not living up to expectations and for allowing standards to erode". Which means that, if you have everything to be done by youself, others might think that you think that they are not capable of doing the work.

5. Inattention to results
Which means, "I don't care how the end product of this assignment will be" and some sort examples that are align with the sentence. In contrast, some members may place their individual needs above your team's true goal. Unfortunately, when this element appears in your group, the other 4 elements come about.


Liew Hui Qing (Jaime)

Rain melts( A Becca Fox Poem)

This is a story of two people in love. How they communicate and show their love for each other. She writes him a lovely poem. It's really sweet. Indicating what she wants to do with him. They can go dancing =) I assume they both like to dance as she wrote it in the poem. Perhaps one would like to do what the other half likes in any kind of weather-be it rain or snow. Anyway, he takes the poem and turns it into a song. He sings what she wrote to send back the message to her. His beautiful voice is so mesmerizing that I think any girl can undertsand the message just by listening to his voice. It's interesting how people communicate in different ways. In this case, one writes her love while he voices his. I picked up the video on Youtube. Enjoy!

-peace-